top of page

Awkward


I am a blusher. My face , it blushes. All red and hot and all that flushed jazz. It happens more often then I’ve cared to deal with and honestly, it has become “a thing”.

I am an adult. I powered through and survived all those pre-teen and teen years where a good ole fashion blush is not only normal but even pretty darn cute. At least that’s what I think now. Blushing is for those fresh faced youngins. Not mini driving mamas.

Or, at least, that is what I thought.

I remember first hearing about the possibility of adult acne and thinking how totally unfair and backwards of life. I had always felt like I dodged a major bullet when I survived puberty acne free. Not that I didn’t have my share of pock marks from all sorts of other kinds of blemishes but zits were just not part of my puberty baggage and for that I was grateful. To hear this bullet still required dodging was a serious bubble burst.

I could say the same for my blushing. I could see getting a little pink in the cheeks when I was called on in class in junior high and I was unsure of the answer or when my dad answered the phone when the boy I like called or when I tried out for cheerleading and didn’t make it or when I fell in front of a fraternity house into a pile of mud my first night of my freshman year of college and all the frat guys cheered and clapped (true story).

But to all of a sudden be hit with a major case of red face at forty? C’mon now.

Yet here I am. I start to feel an annoying heat rise up my neck and then my face slowly begins to pinken and, quite frankly, it freaks me out . Half the time, I don’t even know why. I could be on line at Old Navy and when the nice person at the checkout says “next” – I blush? I could be pumping gas and the friendly person at the next pump says a simple "good morning" – I blush?! I could be talking to my child’s teacher and for no reason at all…..I blush?! Of course, my immediate question marks and exclamation points I have flying through my head at that moment only make it worse. As soon as I feel it coming, I want to shut it down. Which, 100% of the time, has the opposite effect. I just get hotter and redder and then all sorts of awkward.

And here we have the real issue people. It's the awkward. Am I really embarassed? Is that why I am blushing? I don't think so but then WHY? Why is my face denying me?? Truth be told, I really just thought I’d be way past any sort of awkward phase by now. I counted on the idea that by now I’d have my shit together.

Oy

This new adult brand of awkwardness, a grownup gawky if you will, exuding from my forty year old self has been throwing my expectation of adulting off. I needed perspecitive and fast. It was time to go back and debunk some theories I've been buying into about the awkward life.

Many of us remember those middle school years as being somewhat treacherous. I began to think about why. For one, it wasn’t just our skin that felt the massive surges of change. Our bodies, our emotions, our ideas, our identity, our dreams, our spiritual being…all of them were busting out of our cute little pubescent selves. It’s some seriously messy (yet beautiful) and such totally awkward stuff.

The truth was, as those little humans stepping into the next phase of life, we were shifting. We were growing, We were becoming. So much so, that it couldn’t be contained. We just blatantly wore it for the world to see. Well, actually, we didn’t have much of a choice. It all just spilled out of our every pore. We oozed our very selves no matter how hard we tried to shut it down. It was happening.

I see this today in my thirteen-year old’s dramatic, temper tantrumed stomps up the stairs. She is literally oozing her very self. Her cup of herself runneth over. She is so vulnerable to her own becoming it leaks out, loudly all over our stairs.

That kind of vulnerability is powerful. Awe inspiringly powerful.

It is also absurdly uncomfortable. Stretching you to places you just don’t feel ready for. Having a party with fear and doubt on a regular basis. The very next minute and flip flopped back and forth it is completely exhilarating. Leaving your breathless as you step into a part of your particular and unique brand of coolness/greatness that you have always known was there but never quite fully believed you’d reach. Knocking your own socks off.

As I dove into this idea of a "so powerful you just can’t hide it" vulnerability, I suddenly began to see my blushing face as an indication of something far greater and far more profound then I acknowledged at the first uncomfortable flush.

Here I am, college educated, money in the bank, 3 kids deep, surrounded by friends I love, driving a minivan and I suddenly my heart is expanding and leaking out my blushing face.

I am undeniably shifting and growing.

I am becoming.

I am entering a new phase. All that wide eyed dreaming isn't just for the youngins. Life is calling me to dance with possibility and how down right cool is that?

Here’s my new theory that I am going with….

Awkward is synonymous with awesome. Awkward is real. It’s edgy. It’s freaking fun. It’s relatable. It’s hot. It’s true.

Owing your awkward, that is the new confidence.

I commit to blushing proudly. I’ve earned my warm, red face. It is here to remind me that my awkward adult ass is awesomely alive.

Cheers to all you awkward, gawky grownups. Stand tall. Own it. Go BECOME like a badass.


Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Check back soon
Once posts are published, you’ll see them here.
Search By Tags
No tags yet.
Follow Us
  • Facebook Classic
  • Instagram App Icon
bottom of page