Marty The Mirror

Labor Day weekend we brought home a puppy. We had been wanting to get a dog since, forever. However every time we got close, we'd be met with some form of opposition. Weather it be money, time, season, or what have you, it never seemed right.

Then we are just walking down the beach one day at the end of the summer and we meet an adorable little black puppy. We are told by the sweet young girl walking him that he is actually adoptable . She also says they were planning on naming him Andy (my husband's name). To make matters even more serendipitous, we find out that his foster home is practically around the block from my parent's house where we were staying for the weekend.

Needless to say we exchanged numbers and went for a quick visit with the girls and my nephews that next day. This little black puppy was a dream with the kids. Just a total sweetheart. Could this be it?

The same fears of "Are we really ready?" totally came up BUT there was also a pull. This pull was in the gut. I knew he was ours. It was just too darn perfect. BUT......maybe that is just it... too perfect? If it's too good to be true then it is, too good to be true. Right?

I was plain terrified to take the leap. However, after bringing six kids to meet the pup, plus my dog loving sisters, there was really no backing out of this thing. If I wasn't going to trust my gut on my own, they were going to tirelessly remind me of what my little ole gut was saying.

That's a pretty beautiful thing, don't you think? The people in my life having my back that is. Knowing what was good for me even more then I did at the moment. Those people that can see your fear, smell it from miles away, and call you on that shit! Push you to reach outside your comfort zone. Call you back home to yourself and hold the space for you there until you finally settle back in to stay.

Love these people.

So, anyway.........

Yesterday I was walking this dog who we affectionally named, Marty. (There is a whole story behind his name but I will save that for another time. ) I use walking loosely. He is a major pain in the rear. He pulls and stops and lays down and sniffs the heck out of everything. He will not let me lead and has to be in front. It both looks and feels ridiculous. If one more elderly gentlemen gentlemen makes the bad joke of, "Who is taking who for a walk!?".....I may just have to sit him down for a little discussion. Or, better yet, hand over the leash to see what magic he can work.

We tried going down the block one way when the smells did him in. The pulling on the leash got out of hand so I had to turn around. The other way it would have to be. We were doing great until we see a loose dog walking in our direction. Not knowing the dog, I panicked a bit and quickly turned around. Our third attempt, down another block, was not any better. He was a total spaz. I had had it. I was over it. He was driving me crazy and my patience were gone. I totally went into a whole internal temper tantrum. Why did we even think we could get a dog? I knew it would be too much. Must be nice to go off to school, off to work, off out into the big bright human filled world while I am stuck here dealing with this animal, his lack of walking skills, and his poop.

It was no longer only Marty that I was annoyed with. I now threw my husband, my kids, and every human being not having to deal with Marty, into the mix.

I marched my temper tantrum tush into the house, dragging Mr. Marty behind me. I have to tell you, I talk to him like he is human. My sisters do the same thing with their dogs. It's a family thing I guess. I was explaining to Marty why we were going back inside and why he was super irritating. I was laying into him. I was having a full blown conversation with this dog about my grievances and how he caused them all.

Then I heard myself. I heard my in depth serious conversation with my dog. I heard myself reasoning, making requests, and pleading.

Then......I got a grip.

We took a breather. He chewed on a toy and I turned up some music and just tried to get over myself a bit.

It was only about 10-15 mins later that this little stinker was at the back door whining to go out. Seriously?!

I took an extra deep breathe. I needed it. I decided I had to accept this moment in time if I didn't want to go down the fast track to a bad day. Cause I could feel that happening. I was going to take this dog not doing what I wanted him to do and turn it into a whole stinkin' load of loathing.

With that, we set off for the Take 2 of what was supposed to be a lovely afternoon stroll together.

Amazingly, we were off to a great start. He was chill enough that I actually had time to hear myself think. I took in the fact that he was not pulling all over place. He was walking. Miracle.

I started thinking about the whole theory that dog owners tend to begin looking like their dogs after awhile. I have seen this to be true. It's freaky and I always swore to myself that this would NEVER happen to me. I wanted to get a tiny little white dog just to avoid this. Yet, here I was walking a black haired long narrowed face pup with light eyes.

I had to laugh. I mean, how's that for a reminder to not take myself so seriously.

While laughing I was struck by something else. Marty and I don't just look alike (sorta-not THAT much. I swear) but we are also similar in personalities. I was walking myself.

How's that for a weird thing to say? :)

What I mean is, I, like Mr. Marty, can be a spaz. When I am excited about something or have been sitting around for too long or stagnant in any way, either physically, emotionally, or spiritually, I take off like a bat out of hell. I can only imagine what that would feel like for the Universe, for God. Here is this all mighty guiding Source, God, trying to guide me and I am out there running, pulling, looking around, trying to go the other way, and laying down refusing to go where I don't want to go. My thoughts scattered, my movements haphazard, and my need for the guidance I am working against growing with each second.

Marty is a stinkin' mirror.

Let's not forget what happened with the Take 2 walk. AFTER we took a minute to chill, get quiet, and breathe, both myself and Marty were ready roll.

With this realization I was swept up in a moment of gratitude. I can either allow Marty to annoy the living hell out of me or I can take the lesson I am so beautifully being shown.

I'll take the lesson. It's a good one.

No matter how spazzy I can get, I crave the guidance, in any form it comes. It always leads me back to my heart.

Plus.....Marty is really cute. And cuddly. I like the dude. I love him actually. Maybe, just maybe, Marty is going to teach me to love myself, even my pain in the butt ways, on a level I didn't even know I was ready for. Once again, God knowing what He was doing.

BTW: I thought you may find it funny that today when I took Mr. Marty out for a lovely afternoon stroll, he was a royal pain in the tush. I am talkin ROYAL. He, like me, ain't no easy nut to crack. This is going to take some time, some learning, and a ton of love.

I love my mirror named Marty.