Stirred to Rise

I’ve been reflecting like nobody’s business this holiday season. I can clearly see, there was a definite theme to this past year. If 2014 was anything, it was consistent. This year’s continuity and staying true to itself was both a gift and a serious thorn in my side. From what I have been reading and, let’s face it, witnessing in today’s crazy world, I am not alone. This is a nutty time to be alive, no?

I have to admit, this “gift” was something I specifically asked for. I had asked for 2014 to be a year for clarity. I pleaded with God to show me who I was, what I was meant for, what was the heck I was supposed to do. However, once the year began and it came rolling in, I questioned heavily if it was right for me. Maybe I could return it, maybe I could re-gift, maybe I just needed another size, maybe I could exchange for one I could grow into, this just felt way too snug.

I had visions of this being laid out before me like a bright sunny yellow brick road. I saw myself landing an amazing gig that was clearly made for me, spending lots of money that was now at my finger tips due to my amazing gig, enjoying my rock hard bod that I got from going to the hip new gym that was part of me spending my new found cash from that amazing gig, and so on and so on. You get the picture. I was all, “Here I am God. Show me whatcha got!”

Oh, did He. Just not in that yellow brick roady sort of way. That said, I am going to stick with the cool Wizard of Oz idea here. I am digging it so let’s go with it. Remember that scene at the end? When Dorothy is waking up in her room in Kansas? Nothing shiny, back to black and white, a no frills version of all her loved ones? That is more the kind of year I had.

If I had to some it up into one word it would be STIRRED.

I have put a lot of thought into this. That one word that could describe where I have been for the past 365 days. I sat with this for weeks. I wanted to bring it all together. To give it all more meaning. To give it the clarity I had prayed for. I thought of using “smacked upside the head” but although it is completely accurate for some 2014 experiences, it certainly doesn’t encompass them all. I then considered “awakened” which is a beautiful word but I can not kid myself into thinking that there are not still incredibly huge amounts of life that I am yet to awaken to.

It came to me while I was talking to God. Just chit chatting about a specific moment I was having and I began to talk out loud ( I was alone with nobody around to think I was nutty). I just said it. That simple. I said I felt stirred. STIRRED. So freaking perfect. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled feeling like I just nailed it. Well, credit where credit is due. The big Guy nailed it.

Life stirred the be-Jesus out of me this year. In some areas, I felt like a massive jolt or the above mentioned smack upside the head. Like when you have your alarm set to get up for an early morning work out. That blaring, annoying as all get out sound makes you want to throw the clock across the room. How dare it interrupt your ever so needed sleep! Doesn’t it know you had to wake up twice last night to go to the bathroom AND your youngest happen to climb in bed with you only 3 hours ago which led to another night of in and out sleeping. You probably only got a total of a couple of hours really…I mean seriously. Who needs that workout anyway? Yeah yeah yeah, so maybe you are the one who set the alarm…maybe this is what you said you wanted….and yeah you probably would be better off if you just got up…but WHATEVER! Snooze it is! Only to repeat the process what….7 mins later?

This is exactly what it felt like many times for me this year. Like I a blow horn in my ear, very clearly trying to get me off my ass so I could do just what I said I wanted to do. Calling me to stick to my word, be true to myself, walk the walk, pull the covers back and plant my feet on the ground. No matter how many times I hit the snooze button, God kept sounding the alarm.

Just like I’d asked for, no?

It is with an enormous amount of gratitude that I can also report, there were many times I was gently being nudged as well. I believe God, after all, is not only a straight shooter, call it like it is sort of Deity, He is also the most loving LOVE imaginable. What I can relate this to is when I lovingly wake up my girls for an early morning car trip. I quietly enter their room and softly sit on there bed as not to jolt them. I sit, pause, and breathe in their peaceful beauty, that I am the lucky one who gets to be their mom, and the perfection of who they are. I hate having to disturb their dreams but I know that I am there with awesome news. I know they will be psyched to hear what I am here to tell them. It’s vacation time. A new journey awaits and all I have planned for them is worth getting up for. I also know that I am there to be with them, guiding them every step of the way. We are going on this journey together. That is the best part. So, I gently sweep their hair from their face. I slowly and gently bend to kiss their forehead and I whisper, “It’s time to get up sweetie.”

This is what God did for me this year. I well up with tears just thinking about it. The areas of my life that He so gently whispered, “It’s time to get up sweetie.” He knew what lay ahead. He knew it was worth getting up for. He knew He’d be with me every step of the way. With a kiss on the forehead I was gently STIRRED.

There are more words to describe it all. Restlessness, SO many questions, starts and stops, more questions, successes, triumphs, failures and tremendous bloopers.

This year was about getting to know myself. Like really know myself. Letting go of defenses. Dropping the need to please. Facing my resistance head on. Allowing the uncomfortable unfoldings and embracing the out of left field new ideas that followed.

Bottom line, I was given and am still being given, the clarity I asked for. Not always what I was hoping to see, but most defiantly what is needed so that I can fulfill my very own personal purpose.

I was deliberately STIRRED. I have and can still feel this in my gut.

This is both scary and freeing. Life looks different now.

What does this mean for 2015? Well, I can tell you I am jumping on the bandwagon of marking this moment. It’s worth at least that much. My friends, we have lived another year. We have shed more layers. Our lives are becoming truer. HOT DAMN! This deserves ceremony.

That said, I am, oh so ceremoniously, choosing my word for 2015. I am declaring it loud and clear.

RISE

It’s only natural. It is what comes next. I was STIRRED and now it is time to RISE.

I am asking God to use me. I don’t need a shiny yellow brick road or fairy godmother. I have purpose. I have a God that needs me to be all of me to do the work I was designed for.

Last night, after an evening of laughing, procesco, and Chinese food with good friends, I was headed off to bed when I realized I had yet to open my fortune cookie. What better night for a fortune cookie then New Years Even, right?! I had high hopes for what lay inside that cookie and just crossed my fingers it wouldn’t be something silly like, "The early bird gets the worm." I mean, C'mon. I wanted the ceremonious worthwhile words.

This is what I got.