Dropping Oars

Been thinking. A LOT. Like up in the middle of the night kind of thinking. The word Legacy ringing in my ears.

My family and the legacy I come from, without any exaggeration, amazes me.

Just the size alone is impressive. My father is one of nine children. My mother, who was originally one of six kids, became one of fourteen when her father passed away and her mom remarried a widower with eight kids of his own.

This means many aunts, uncles and a crap load of cousins. On both sides.

I love these people. There is something incredible that happens when you are around a crazy crew who know and share your history, as well as, and most importantly, can laugh at it all with you.

My family, like yours, is deeply rooted and overflowing with stories. I can say with complete confidence that when these stories are told, they would make you feel. Deep, authentic, real feelings. They are stories of simple yet beautiful humanness. The best and worst kind. They are stories of struggle, creativity, hard work, beauty, alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, heart break, divorces, marriages, births, adoption, miracles, deaths, faith, perseverance, courage, lots and lots of laughing, more miracles, falling and rising and above all, love.

These are the stories that are running through my veins and my heart. They are the stories that have made me who I am and that are continuing to shape me into who I want to be.

The thing is, and why I have been thinking so darn much, is that they are not all my stories to tell. They are personal in the deepest way. They are, simply, not mine.

I can't tell you how someone else's struggle or triumph played out or where it is going. I can't begin to pretend I know how it all connects.

I can't say I didn't already know this. It was never the plan to give my own take on someone's life. I have been questioning, wondering and anticipating how the heck I was going to take my facination with the legacy I was handed and honor it. My goal was to put into words the healing I have found in what has always been there.

So....while I continue to anticipate my moment of lightening bolt clarity, I can only tell MY story. What I have lived. What I have learned. Where I am and where I want to go.

I am still praying and figuring out how I will be able to do this, stay on the topic of legacy that I so strongly feel I have been called to, and honor the people I love the most.

I have ideas.

For one, I will most defiantly be talking about the legacy I want to leave for my little ladies. This is an opportunity to dig up some courage and step up to design something beautiful with God.

So.....I am dropping the oars on my little life rowboat. I am done with paddling against the current. My only plan for this blog today, is to go with the flow and let God lead.

Yikes!