How My Phone in The Toilet Answered My Prayer

Pushing, working, striving, hoping, wishing, more striving. This has been my way of life.

What is coming NEXT, just always seemed better then what was now. My eyes have been fixed on some future version of my life and myself. What is happening here is just to get me there. I took dreaming to an awkward level. What was once fun and exciting to do, started to bubble over like I was in a pressure cooker. It has felt off and tiresome and like an annoying job.

I have had ideas of what I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be. I push and shove and manage to fit myself into every square peg for the round holes I so desperately want to jump through. It’s like I seek out those damn square pegs.

It was suggested to me recently to pray boldly. To ask for what I want and believe I need. With the exception of my rock bottom moments, I have always tended to be somewhat of a polite pray-er. Like I don’t want to bother God too much because the Dude is so busy after all.

However, a couple of days ago, after the kids had left for school, Andy was at work, and the dog was sleeping, I went for it. Earnest prayers. Laid it all out there. What I was frustrated/annoyed with. What I thought I “should” be by now. Why so many roadblocks?

I boldly asked for clarity. Like, that day. If I was going to go for it, I was going to go for it. I asked for a clear sign. Something that only I would understand that would help me “get” what I am meant to do – TODAY.

This was not a five second prayer. I got into it. It felt good and cleansing and exciting. The expectation of what my “sign” would be felt thrilling.

Of course, I had a whole list of ideas of what I thought these signs could or should be. Seriously, God should have checked with me first. I had it all worked out. Of course.

So, finally I get up and out of the house to begin my day. I had plans of hitting Wegmans and Target. A day full buying what the family “needs”. Just to get myself to these stores takes about a 20-30 min car ride. I enjoyed my ride, talking to God the whole time, eagerly anticipating my writing in the sky.

I stopped at Starbucks first, duh. What would a day of shopping be without my fuel?

As I began to place my order and pull out my wallet to pay, I quickly realize……my wallet was at home on my couch. I had used it that morning to pay for something online. I had forgotten my wallet. UGH

To drive home and back and shop would be impossible. I wouldn’t make it back in time for school pick up.

Was this God? What the heck does this mean?

I have to admit. I was smirking the whole way home. Not that I wasn’t Frustrated. I wanted that coffee bad, but because I had given my day over to the Big Guy. I trusted that His hand was in this just like I had asked for. I knew this was something designed just for me. Yes, I got it.

This was a message to go home. Stop running around. My answers are not “out there”.

Although I got that much, I really didn’t get why. Honestly, it made me feel very anxious. Just being home in a quiet house with nothing to “get”…not my comfort zone.

After the half hour ride home that I spent contemplating it all, I ran inside to use the bathroom. I had to go!

As soon as I went to sit on the porcelain throne, I heard a loud clang/thump/splash. My phone. The one that I had placed in my back pocket, was now in the toilet.

My first reaction was to scream and jump….which then led to me then peeing on the floor. Say what?! (Sorry for the TMI but I wanted to give you the full effect of the moment.)

Now….c’mon.

This was so not the direction I saw my day going. I had pictured a very peaceful holy day, connected to God, with angles singing around my head. Not scratching my whole to do list, losing my “life line” and peeing on the floor.

What do I do in this situation? I call my mom. After I explain the entire situation, from prayer to pee, all I hear is a silent wheeze of a laugh followed by her telling me that God wants me to get my head out of my ass! Perfect.

She was right.

After we hung up, the floor was cleaned up, and my phone put in rice, I had time to kill. I got quiet.

It didn’t take me long in this quiet to begin to understand what I was being shown. I had been given a taste of clarity. Some very simple yet totally mind blowing clarity.

· It is time for me to slow down, to keep it simple and (here’s the one that got me) stay close to home.

My answers are not to be found “out there”. It is the uncomfortable quiet of just me, that is where I need to be.

· My answers are not on my phone. My lifeline is God. Period.

And here’s the MIND BLOWING realization…

· Maybe the life God has planned for me, the purpose I am here to fulfill, looks completely different then the plan I have been striving for. Maybe, just maybe, I can stop playing God and let Him do His job.

Um……!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is new territory for me. I think I may have always spoken (because I am good at knowing what to say) this but I never lived it.

This blow my mind moment led to a whole load of unraveling writings in the sky. The most important one being

· I AM ALREADY LIVING MY DREAM.

This knocked me on my ass. My eyes welled up and my stomach did flips. It was also quite painful actually. To see how clearly I have been denying the beauty of what is.

While I have I been trying, working, striving, pushing, hoping, and wishing for something different or better, I have had what I wanted all along.

To begin, I’m alive. I am healthy. I even like myself. My girls, that I am head over heels in love with, are eleven, nine and five. We will never to be here, in this moment again. My marriage is good, I am in love with this man. Our home, um….we have a home!

This moment is moving and in my striving, I have been missing it.

I don’t want to miss it!

From a forgotten wallet, broken phone, and pee on the floor…… I was gifted clarity. I got exactly what I asked for. It has only been a few days since I said my bold prayer but it changed me. In the most unexpected beautiful way. For today I am in no rush. I want to stroll with God, enjoying the view, and run only when I am called to run.

I would be lying if I said I am not a little nervous where these bold prayers will take me next but it is also with a great, great excitement and faith. God really does know me better then I know myself. Thank goodness.

Here’s to bold prayers.