What Shining Looks Like

I spent all day carefully crafting a well thought out post on taking risks, being bold and moving outside your comfort zone. It wasn't flowing. I kept getting met with doubt and the feeling that it just wasn't coming out right. I couldn't find the words to describe what this sort of shining looked like.

Then tonight happened.

Tonight was the fourth grade Storytelling Night. Our school has a this couple who comes in every year to work with the fourth grade students on the art of Storytelling. Nola has been rehearsing her story for the last few weeks and was eagerly anticipating this evening.

As we rushed to get ready, shovel dinner into our mouths, and hurry to get in the car I had a major internal temper tantrum. I, who spent the day crafting words of wisdom around being your unique self and having the courage to take the risk to be you boldly, had a mental meltdown. I was irritated with the kids for not moving as fast I needed them to. I was annoyed at Andy for being stressed about work. I wanted to get this damn post done and out. And here is the kicker, I was feeling crappy about how I looked. Yup, this can still take me out when I least expect it.

I slammed the door of the car and applied my lip gloss and prayed. Please God, help me here. Help me be present for Nola. Help me get out of my head.

As we gathered in the stuffy, loud, and increasingly warm auditorium with the entire fourth grade and their families, I found it hard to even fake my enthusiasm. I was entering into full self absorbed brat mode.

Please God, I need you. Now.

We heard from the adorable Storytelling couple about how they travel around the country teaching kids the life long skills of telling stories and public speaking while I only sank deeper into my pity pot. It was ugly.

God, HELP.

Then we broke off into the individual classrooms to hear the students present their well practiced stories.

That first kid walked to the front of the room, face flushed, hands jittering, and voice shaking, and I felt my entire body exhale.

Oh God, I hear ya Buddy. Ok. I'm listening.

Each of those 20 or so students stood up infront of the packed classroom and told a story. Each with their own flavor. Some adorably animated with a natural flair for it and some beautifully awkward as they walked through their fear.

When I tell you that my face hurt when it was over I am not exaggerating. I could not stop smiling. It was ironic that in a last ditch effort to make myself look "good" I put on mascara. Whatever. I cried the whole time too.

These kids. Standing up in all their vulnerability and with all their heart. Sharing a piece of who they are with us. You could feel them. Their excitement, their nerves, their innocence, and their pride. It was palpable.

Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone. They lept.

And here is what can't stop thinking about. They lept and they landed safely. They learned that taking those leaps can be scary but when you get to the other side, it feels freaking fantastic. We witnessed the whole cycle about 20 times tonight. The utter terror as they walked up to begin and the sheer bliss as they walked back when it was over.

And the in-between was incredibly entertaining to say the least.

They took my breath away.

As for my kid, beaming doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about what she did tonight. Those blushed cheeks, that squeaky nervous voice, that hand playing with her sweater, those boots stepping back and forth, the "ums" that came with big eyes, and the "oh yeahs" that came with a huge grin, and the nose crinkled smile that fell on my lap with pure triumph at the end.......

Thank you God. Thank you for reminding me what shining looks like. A thousand thank yous.